So I have been reading this new book of mine, Just Kids by Patti Smith. It's about her relationship with Robert Mapplethorpe and how it changed her life. I have only managed to get through the first chapter so far but I am really enjoying it. I find myself looking in a mirror when she talks about wanting to be an artist and falling in love with the romanticism of it all. Even though I have artistic talent and would consider myself fairly creative, I have a hard time using the word "artist" to describe myself. The artists of the world are the Mapplethorpes and the Smiths and the da Vincis and the Dalis. I would never in a million years put myself on the same level as them. And this is where I think the difficulty comes in.
I really am working on the whole increased self confidence thing but this is pretty touchy territory. All through grade school I was praised by fellow students and teachers alike for my visual art talents. I felt awesome and empowered and ahead of the game. Then high school happened and my vision of the art "world" and my place in it changed drastically. I looked around and saw other students who were just as talented as me and many of them more so. Once it clicked that there were other people in the world like me, my pedistal suddenly shrank to a two inch high piece of plywood that was big enough for everyone else to stand on. So much for feeling original. But this is where the good news comes in.
To abrieviate an inner struggle that has been going on for years, in reading Patti Smith's accounts of being a budding artist and how passionate she was I find new inspiration. Since I can somewhat identify with her I am open to the possibility of one day openly declaring my artist status. But this is not something to be rushed into. Tempered enthusiasm would seem the best course of action. To get to the point, I long to be an artist just as Patti Smith did, but I am scared of what I may have to give up in order to get that. She truly was the typical starving artist and the idea of starving is never appealing. Me like food. So in conclusion,I will open myself up to being an artist and see what happens.
